☜☞ Hold on to me and never let me go ☜☞
babybleeditout.blogspot
If I were a boy, Even just for a day
 Id roll out of bed in the morning
 And throw on what I wanted and go
 Standing outside my house

Trying to apologize
 You’re so ugly when you cry
 Please, just cut it out
 [Chorus]
 Don’t tell me you’re sorry cuz you’re not

Baby when I know you’re only sorry you got caught
 But you put on quite a show
 You really had me going

But now it’s time to go
 Curtain’s finally closing

That was quite a show
 Very entertaining
 But it’s over now

Go on and take a bow
 Grab your clothes and get gone
 You better hurry up before the sprinklers come on
 Talkin’ about, girl, I love you, you’re the one
 This just looks like the re-run
 Please, what else is on
 (Chorus)
 And the award for, the best lie goes to you
 For making me believe that you could be
 Faithful to me
 Let's hear your speech ohh
 How about a round of applause
 Standing ovation


♥ PROFILE

Photobucket babyrika
30 oct 1991.
18
ite simei
single bitch

♥ DESIRES

♥ FRIENDS

ain
shasha
jEnNy
vaNN
opicK
yaNis
jOsepH
tAUFIK
SHA
jinx

ARCHIVES;

July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 September 2008 April 2009 May 2009 July 2009 December 2009

♥ CREDITS;

Designer
Photobucket.
Blogger.
Blogskins.
Picture: Hollowland.
Brushes.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006
11:05 AM

wellow guyz..ma trip iz postponed to de 7th of dec..haiz..xo i'll b comin back on de 21st of dec..naim's chalet iz on de 19 n 20 dec..he ask mi 2 go wif him but becoz de ticket was postponed i cannot go wif him..wtf..luckily he understand mi..ma interact club bbq might b on de 28th wich iz veri near 2 sch reopen..i wan naim 2 go 4 de bbq wif him..but he sae he might b bz..he sae he'll c ferst..i hope he cn come..hmm..

todae went 2 j8 wif ma mom n bro..actuali we shld go ytd but ma mom sleep..if she wanna sleep den go ahead la..let mi mit fik ferst la..wats de big deal sia..den todae i brought along de sling bag i borrow frm sha..i was tinkin of usin diz bag wen im in thailand..but ma mom said itz nt nice 2 use sum1 else ting..xo we search 4 a sling bag but j8 bags sucks..i told her dat mayb at far east haf beta bags..i ask her whether i cn go 2 town n search 4 de bags..she said nvm la, i use sha'z beg la..so no nid 2 go town n search 4 de bags..i was like, wat de fuck!..u ask mi 2 get a new bag but wen i ask 2 go n survey 4 bags, u changed ur fuckin mind..wats wrg wif u mom?..r u too stress bout everitin n u suddenli change? or u wanna control mi tighter dan b4?..

i alwaes put u ferst dan ma stead n frenz..but y u kip lettin mi down?..y haf u changed?..plz mom, dun b like diz..i luv u n i dun wan 2 hurt u animore..but plz dun hurt mi..im under xo much pain alr..i cannot stand it animore..i alwaes gif in 2 u but cn u juz gif mi sum space?..mom, u wil nv understand ma pain..

ma heart was kidnapped by u

Monday, November 27, 2006
6:20 AM

i hate maself! im fuckin stupid! wat an asshole i am! i didnt went out wif fik todae becoz ma mum dun allow..haiz..todae iz reali impt 4 uz..haiz..wen fik cal mi mani times, i 4got tat i put ma hp silent..xo i didnt ans hiz calls..fuck sia! stupid shit!..argh!..i juz kept on cryin til sha came ma house..i hope fik dun tink tat i care bout sha more dan him or tink tat sha wanna come ma house n i dun go out wif him xo i lied 2 him bout ma mom..baby im nt lyin..i nv lie 2 u b4..i dun dare to..u r too0 gud 4 mi..i dun deserve ur true n strong luv..sum1 beta shld haf ur luv..im juz a piece of shit..alwaes hurtin u..

y muz i hurt sum1 hu luv mi truli?..y am i nt a perfect gf 4 him? y am i nt a gud fren 4 sha? y am i nt a gud daughter 4 ma parents? y am i nt a gud sis 4 ma lil bro? y am i nt a gud vice president 4 ma cca? y am i nt a gud student 4 ma teachers? y am i nt a gud clazmate 4 ma clz? y am i nt a gud grandchild 4 ma grandparents? y am i nt a gud niece 4 ma aunts n uncles? y am i nt a gud couzin 4 ma couzin? de question iz y muz i born in diz fuckin world wen im nt a perfect or even at least gud 4 ani1?????! i juz wanna b dead..xo i wont hurt ani1 agen especialli 4 those hu luv mi..itz useless 2 luv mi la..i shld nt b loved at all!

ma heart was kidnapped by u

Friday, November 24, 2006
7:40 AM

i dunno wat 2 do..ma heart juz feel tired n weak 2 carri on wif him..wen i try 2 help him wif hiz matters, he dun do it..he follow wat he wan n now he might haf 2 live in saba 4 a long time n if he gets 2 apply 4 ite, he haf 2 go in n out of s'pore daily..sumtimes i feel like ma luv 4 him iz fadin, but i juz dun wan 2 admit it..if i choose 2 carri on wif him, iz tat reali wat i wan?but if i let him go, wil i regret it?..argh!!..sumbodi help mi..i read a nice phrase juz nw.."everiting changes fate"..i hope de choice i made iz de rite 1..


other dan tat, i ate onli grapes 2dae..haha juz dun feel hungry..ma mom nags like shit..haha..ma flight ma not b on de 1st dec becoz ma mom n mi wanna c de fallin stars in thailand on de 18th..if i go on de 1st dec, i muz b back on de 14th dec..xo i cannot c de fallin stars..ma mom wanna book de tickets 4 de 7th dec n b back on de 21st dec..ermm..i juz go wif wat ma mom decide..i'll inform u guyz de exact date n time im flyin off..

ma heart was kidnapped by u

Tuesday, November 21, 2006
8:36 PM

ytd our 1st mth anniversary..didnt celebrate la, juz gif each other testi onli..haiz..we cannot go out 2gether becoz he iz stil in saba..i understand him la..we gonna mit on de 27nov..at tpayoh ard 1pluz..tat wil b de laz dae i mit him b4 ma trip 2 bangk0k..de ticket was confirm tat im flyin on de 1st dec..haiz..4 2 wks, i haf 2 leave him..im worried bout him n i wil miz him lyke hell..haiz..


sum of ma frenz wil send mi off but nt him..he wil b in saba n even if he could send mi, i dun tink he wanna go..he dun wan 2 face ma parents..hmm..i reali wan 2 spend de max time wif him on 27nov..haiz..i heard ma parents wil onli b in thailand 4 5 or 7 daes onli..dey haf 2 fly back becoz of ma famili company..haiz..i cannot fly back wif dem becoz dey wan mi 2 look aft ma bro in thailand..haiz..ma grandmother iz flyin back 2 s'pore wif mi to0..hmm..


laz 2 daes, i gt diarrhoea n ma stomach was fuckin pain..i cannot stand de pain but i forced maself 2 bear wif de pain..at nite, i couldnt sleep at all..i kept runnin 2 de toilet..haha..until ytd mornin, i felt like vomitin xo i went 2 de toilet..i look at de toilet bowl, n i vomited..eeee..digustin sia..ma mom heard mi vomitin, she forced mi 2 visit de doc..i went wif ma dad..de doc juz gif mi a list of food tat i haf 2 avoid n told mi 2 eat ma medicine..i tout i was pregnant haha..but actuali iz food poisonin..hehe..


i called de ite hotline ytd..askin how 2 apply 4 ite..de operator told mi tat 2 apply 4 ite, u muz wait 4 de GCE n level results 2 b release first..den u cn apply at their website..i did diz 4 fik..he asked mi 4 help bout diz..i told fik bout diz n i asked him whether he stil wanna mit mi on de 27nov or not..becoz on de 27nov, i was suppose 2 accompany him 2 ite dover..n now he cannot apply yet so i wanna noe whether he wanna mit mi..he said he wanna mit mi no matter wat..i was relieved..cnt wait 4 27nov..hmm..


im tired n feelin drowsy now..al becoz i ate de fuckin medicine..haha..i'll stop here..tc bubbye..

ma heart was kidnapped by u

Saturday, November 18, 2006
7:27 AM

wei guyz..laz 3 daes, fik went back 2 sabah 2 settle sumthin wif hiz parentz..i tout i would b de 1 leavin diz country but he did ferst..haiz..i cn feel de fuckin loneliness without him ard or even hear hiz voice..haiz..i reali hope i could mit him b4 i fly off 2 thailand so0n..i rali dun feel like goin 2 thailand at al..eventhough i used 2 miz de place dere but nw i miz him more..he's like ma everithin n if i lose him or he iz nt wip mi, life iz totalli upside down..itz like i dun haf anitin 2 lose animore..hmm..onli god cn predict diz..


i went 2 de cemetery ytd mornin..wen we reached at ma late step grandfather, i cried softli..i juz badli miz de daes i spent wif him wen i was juz 4yrs old..he was de onli person tat treat mi like sum1..becoz u noe rite, ma relatives frm ma dad's side hate mi..dey hate mi n ma mom..dey treat uz like animals wen i was smal n ma mom was stil young..fuckers..onli ma step grandfather care bout mi n luv mi truly..haiz if he was here now wif mi, i wouldnt haf changed like diz..but i cannot redo de past xo no matter wat, i wil alwaes rmb him n miz him..


ytd afterno0n went 2 watch the covenant movie wif sha..i asked her out xo i could tink bout sumtin else..i mean relax ma mind 4 awhile..juz wanna chill a little..de show was nice n al de hot guyz were WOW!..macho,handsome,cute,adorable,swit,amazin,mature....haha a lot 2 describe..in between de movie, i saw sum guyz at de entrance of tat threate..those guyz r de cleaners in de cinema..haiyo..aft de movie, 1 indian guy walked 2 sha n ask 4 her num..kwang3..she gif him den we walked out..i wanna smoke b4 we go shopping xo sha juz play wif her fon while waitin 4 mi..suddenly tat guy msg her n told her tat he was nt de 1 hu wan her num..hiz fren was de fuckin 1..it was de gold hair guy i looked at wen we were buyin de nachos..

n guez wat..he live in tpayoh n he's 27 years old!..wakakakaka..old sia..sha totalli shut down wen tat guy told her diz..she juz kip sayin she dun wan coz too old..haha..den tat guy n hiz frenz were eatin at de kopitiam near kfc..he asked sha 2 go dere n talk 2 him 4 awhile..sha dun wan but i forced her 2 go..i wan 2 noe wat type of guy he iz..sha agreed n she beg mi nt 2 leave her side..haha..of coz i wil nt..she talked 2 him n tat guy was like xo despo..askin sha a lot of sacastic ques..haha..den hiz frenz were juz lufin..i juz kept quiet..hehe..ferst time i kept ma mouth shut..i feel like shuttin hiz fuckin mouth up but dun wan la..lata ma darlin scold mi..hehe


aft tat we walked ard tpayoh a few times, n i suddenly saw ma x..haha..tat gangsta i knew..he was quarrellin wif hiz mom n he had a retarded younger sis..i pity hiz mom n sis but nt him..haha..wateva..hu cares aniwae..sha kept sayin ma hair coloured changed frm red to pink to now orange..haha..special rite..hehe..special like shit..de colour fade sia..argh! fik told mi a few times bout ma hair n he juz like 2 touch ma hair..i juz dunno y..wen he haf nth 2 do, he wil style ma hair like guyz or juz play wif it..hehe..HAIZ i miz him like bloody hel..but i juz nid 2 accept watz gonna happen..haiz..if he go 4 ns n i nid 2 wait 4 him 4 at most 2 yrs, i would haf commit suicide..haha jokin la..i wil juz miz him badli.....


ok la guyz...i wanna go n sleep..i'l stop here..tc bubbye
PS: i wanna try a new font..hehe..diz onli muz tel..haha

ma heart was kidnapped by u

Tuesday, November 14, 2006
9:23 AM

wellow guyz..mi todae went 2 fik's workplace 2dae at 4 pluz..got up de buz at 4.25pm n reached millenia walk at 5.05pm..veri long sia..haiz..
btw i bought a new hp nokia 6280..luvin it alr..n ma mom bought mi a sony digital cam..i waited 2 own a digital cam 4 quite long..hehe..


wen i went in 2 fik workplace, his partner wave at mi..but fik didnt saw mi..his partner told him tat i came but fik dun believe until he saw mi..haha..silly boi..he juz walked mi out of his workplace without askin his manager 4 permission..haiyo..haha..we smoked n talked..he was confused n quite shocked tat i came without tellin him..haha..i passed him de money he wanna borrow..he kiz ma cheek n he sort of tasted ma make up..haha..stupid..we talked bout 30 mins dan i went 2 take a taxi back 2 bshan j8..im meetin sha n her mom nxt..de driver drove quite fast la..wen i asked him 2 stopped nearby j8, de taxi fare was $8..haha..den add $3 becoz peak hour..haiz..


met sha n her mom den we went 2 de singtel shop..we search a suitable hp n tat interest sha like idiot..roundin de shop mani times..haha..at last, she decided 2 buy nokia 6131..khekhe..same price as ma hp..but gt differences oso..den fik called n told mi 2 go n survey 4 walkman hp at tpayoh..i beg ma mom 2 let mi go n kip askin sha 2 4llow mi along..at laz, both agreed..


we went almost al de 2nd hand shops at tpayoh central..askin 4 w550..al de shops we went, dun haf dat hp..fik cal den we discussed bout other models everitin until bout 9 den he decided 2 let mi stop surveyin..hmm..we argued a bit 2 but nw ok alr la..


to0k de buz back 2 bshan..while waitin 4 de buz n on de buz itself, sha n i to0k pic of ourselves usin each other hp..haha..nth 2 do wat..haha..i went online wen i reached home..i import de pics i took wif fik juz nw usin ma digital cam den upload dem at fik n ma frenster..aft tat, murdifi, ma clazmate, tat own de same hp as mi help mi wif de sound system n de usb ting 4 ma hp..he told mi step by step how 2 adjust de volume 4 ma hp..den i asked him bout de usb ting..suddenli i found out tat i install de wrg program 4 ma hp..haha..stupid sia..he told mi 2 install de rite program..it was a sucess al thkz 2 him..i uploaded al de pics in both fik n ma frenster..hehe check it out k..


lastly, i might b flyin back 2 bangk0k on de 24nov..fuckin earli sia..fik wan mi 2 accompany him 4 de interview at ite dover on 27nov..but if it is confirmed tat im flyin back on 24th, i cannot 4llow him n he cannot send mi off becoz he wil b workin on tat dae..plz la..change de dae aft 27nov..becoz 27 wil b de laz dae fik n i cn mit b4 i fly off..haiz..if i reali nid 2 fly off on 24nov, de laz dae i wil mit him iz diz comin sat 18nov..haiz..i'll stop here tc bubbye..below iz ma pic i took wen i went out wif sha n fik 4 hari raye laz sat..nt censored 1 la..haha

ma heart was kidnapped by u

Wednesday, November 08, 2006
2:29 AM

haiz...im cryin while postin agen..ytd at ard 8pm, fik called mi n said "k la dear, take care of urself k if aniting happen to mi". den he hang up de fon..i was veri shocked..i dunno wat 2 do..i juz cry n cry..ma heart hurts..n i can feel tat pain..im veri worried bout him..i kept prayin tat nth wil happen 2 him..


aft a few mins he called mi back..i quickli ans de fon..he said he wanted 2 jump off a bungalow becoz he iz fucked up wif his famili probs..i was upset n angry at de same time..i told him agen n agen nt 2 do tat..he juz wont listen until he heard mi cry..i said diz.."if u luv mi, u wont do tat becoz u promised mi tat u wil nt leave mi..if u do tat, it oso like u wan 2 leave mi"..he said its nt wat i tink..he xplained 2 mi how he feel everiting..but i juz kept on cryin..


y fik?..y muz u said u wan 2 do tat?..u noe how hurt i am..even if its wasnt 4 mi, cn u dun do tat juz 2 run awae frm ur probs..probs r dere 4 u 2 face it..i told u mani times tat no matter how difficult ur life wil b, i wil move on wif u..i wil nt let u face ur probs urself..if u tink im like ur x hu wan 2 break wif u becoz dey cannot accept 4 hu u r, i wil ask 4 break long ago..but i didnt ask 4 break becoz i luv u 4 hu u r..


haiz..everi min i look at ma hp, waitin 4 his cal..i nid 2 b patience n keep on waitin..but cn u control ur temper n b a bit more patience..plz fik! i dun wan u 2 gif up..i nid u 2 face diz shit..if u sae u luv mi but u dun prove it, how wil i believe u..wat i nid frm u iz fight diz shit n dun gif up..plz dear..i beg u..haiz..im sori guyz..i cannot type anitin more..juz leave mi alone 4 a while k..i nid 2 b alone n cry out everitin first..:'(

ma heart was kidnapped by u

Sunday, November 05, 2006
3:45 AM

wellow guyz..hmm todae's post might nt b tat long la..hehe


fik plannig 2 werk 4 de time being until itz time 4 him 2 serve ns den continue his studies..i agreed wif his plan eventhough i tink itz quite slow n long..haiz..at least he found a solution or a start 2 solve his probs..hmm..heard he started werk 2dae but he didnt tel mi until he ended his werk..haiz..


i didnt smoke 4 a few daes liao..xo i bought a lollipop instead of smokin..i dunno whether diz wil help mi stop smokin or nt..but at least i try rite..if u guyz haf ani other ideas, plz inform mi..i reali wan 2 quit smokin..hmm..


ma mom wil b confirmin de date im flyin back 2 thailand 4 at least a wk..haiz..i dun wan 2 go..i wan 2 stay here..becoz at least i cn cntct wif fik..but if i fly back, it wil b harder 4 uz 2 cntct..i dun wan 2 leave him..haiz..i noe it wil b a wk or so but i wil miz him a lot..i dunno whether he want 2 send mi off at de airport or nt..if he dun wan 2 den i dun mind..but if he wan 2, i wil b hapi becoz i get 2 c him b4 leavin s'pore..but it wil b a prob to0 if he wan 2 send mi off..i dun tink ma parentz wil allow tat..haiz..i hope he wil miz mi as much as i miz him..


hey guyz..i'll stop here nw..gtg..tc bb..

ma heart was kidnapped by u

Friday, November 03, 2006
6:57 AM

hi guyz..ma post might b borin becoz im cryin rite nw..i juz feel like cryin..i dun mind if u dun wan 2 read ma post..juz do wateva u wan la..


on 31oct..i went 2 sch wif ma parentz 4 de promotion exercise..i was promoted..ma parentz were disappointed bout ma results..im fucked up wif their nags n advices..haiz..aft tat i haf bio remedial but i didnt go 4 tat..i told ma mom i go 4 de remedial but i wen sumwhere else wif sha instead..we wen 2 fik's workplace at millenia walk..he was late 4 work xo he had 2 end his work at 5 instead of at 3..


while waitin 4 him, we decided 2 walk ard at marina square..we saw de cinema xo we decided 2 watch a movie 2 kil time..we watched sinkin of japan..itz nt reali touchin but veri excitin..de effectz was amazin..nice movie la..aft de movie, we went back 2 fik's workplace..he juz finished his work..he want 2 send mi back 2 bshan..i told him 2 go home straight but he was stubborn n insist 2 send mi home..we took de buz num 56 back 2 bshan interchange..it was a fuckin long journey but i liked it..coz i like 2 spend time wif him on de buz..it was swit..


wen we reached bshan, we went 2 de popular..i wanted 2 buy sum pratice books..fik luf at mi..argh..he wont let ma hand go..it was like he scare i wil b lost or wat..i forced maself 2 let ma hand go..haha..n i won..he lost 2 mi agen..hehe..sha luf at uz wen we fooled ard..she onli noe how 2 luf..haha..


we loitered at 1 study corner..i joked ard wif him..he kept losin 2 mi..haha..he surrender al de time juz becoz he dun wan mi 2 b mad at him..poor ting..aft a while, sha went home..left both of uz alone..we spend de swittest moment 2gether n we forgot bout de time..it was 9pm alr..n ma parentz r lookin 4 mi..haiz..fik haf probs goin home..im worried bout him n he was worried bout mi..b4 we left tat place, za bf msg mi..he asked mi bout de outin..fik saw dat msg..he face changed n i noe wat iz in his mind..


we seperated n i wen back home feelin scared..ma parentz wan mi 2 spill out de truth..but i lied 2 dem agen..ma mom believed mi but ma fuckin dad knew sumtin was nt rite n he want 2 find out de truth..fuckin asshole..ma mom didnt allow mi 2 used ma hp n com tat nite..fik called mi a lot of time..he even ask his x 2 msg mi 2 ans his cal..but i couldnt ans tat time..haiz..de nxt dae ma mom let mi use ma hp n com..she alwaes 4givin mi..n yet i betray her..im such an idiot n useless..haiz..


since tat dae i tried 2 xplain 2 fik bout de msg he saw..he tout i play two timer..i tel him bout za bf..he understand n 4gif mi..he promiz 2 cal mi at 2am wen ma parentz r nt ard..i waited 4 hiz cal..but he didnt cal..i guez he fal asleep..de nxt dae..i waited 4 him 2 cal..i couldnt stand it..i was afraid tat he dun understand..xo at 9pluz..i started cryin n i didnt eat properly de whole dae..i took a knife n cut ma wrist n press de knife against ma palm..i promiz him b4 tat i wouldnt 2 diz stupid ting..but i couldnt control maself..wen i wan 2 cut ma wrist de 2nd time, he called ma hp..i ans his cal n he heard mi cryin..he dislike hearin or seein mi cry but i juz..haiz..i dunno how 2 put diz..he kept sayin he forgiven mi n he apologised bout nt callin mi..i 4gif him n i told him tat i hurt maself..he suddenly kept quiet n his mum told him 2 put down de fon becoz sum guest came..he said he cal mi back..


he msg mi n told mi tat he 4gif mi n dun wan mi 2 hurt maself agen..i promiz tat i wont do tat agen..he told mi tat he scolded hiz guests 4 no reason n he felt like runnin frm home..i beg him nt 2 do tat..he juz said he wil find a wae 2 solve al his probs n try 2 cntct mi..den he said gdbye..


2dae i wait 4 him 2 cal as usual..i went online at noon n he was online 4 awhile..we chat 4 awhile n dan he sign off..i waited 4 him 2 cal until i decided 2 cal his house at malaysia..his mom sounded sad n told mi tat he went out..haiz..juz nw at 10pm, i called his house agen..his mom picked up de fon n said fik went out agen n she asked 4 ma name..i told her n thank her..haiz..i juz cannot stop cryin..im extremely worried bout him..god, plz help mi protect him frm ani danger..haiz i'll stop here..tc bb

ma heart was kidnapped by u